Many times I personalize things: Jewelry, crafts, my art work... (tongue in cheek).Seriously, I can easily personalize remarks and sentiments from others. I have to constantly remind myself that another person's reaction is usually a byproduct of their experiences. The tone and nature of their reaction is often because of who (or is it whom?) I remind them of from their past. However, sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow in the midst of a heated debate. Being that as it may, I have been hurt when faced with what I deemed as rejection or dismissal of my sincere views.
My reaction to the perceived disregard can be willful indignation... if it's the mood I'm experiencing at that particular point in time.... aka.. 'Am I ragging?' Or did I NOT pay attention to H.A.L.T. Otherwise, I can cheerfully, but mean-spiritedly return the diss. .. And that gets us both nowhere.
So now I am trying to take another path:~ Do not take personal ownership of the other person's reaction. It's theirs. I have enough of my own stuff (sugar.honey.iced.tea.)
~ Feel the feeling.
~ Carefully articulate how I feel to the other person.
~ Continue the conversation if we both choose to elaborate.
~ Be OK if the final result is to agree to disagree.
However, I must admit.. this only works if I truly care. Quite frankly some folk severely irritate me, but they are neither worth my time nor my breathe to figure out. In that case I say my piece & move on...How do you deal with the hurt?
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I'm at a point (finally) in my life where I can tell someone when they have hurt me, why I feel the way I do about it and then I move on. Sometimes it embarasses people when I do that, because it's so *in your face* I guess. But hey, I no longer hold that kind of stuff inside.
If it's someone that just *doesn't get it*, instead of talking to them about it, I write them a letter. That way they can read my words. Some people are better at reading and digesting than the face-to-face stuff.
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