Saturday, October 18, 2008

Why Do We Have Suspicious Natures? Part 1 Relationships

Where do you start people on the likability marker? -10 (lowest) 0 (neutral) 10 (highest)

I must admit as a child I was very suspicious of most. I always said "I start folks out as a -10... You have to prove yourself trustworthy." As I got older I completely flipped the script & placed folks on the positive side; sometimes even as high as 10! Being suspicious all the time was getting to be exhausting and I wanted to have some fun! If I met someone who I thought could be a new bff or a potential love interest and we instantly connect, then it's golden! Well after doing that a couple of times, it is needless to say I was consistently disappointed.

Now for the most part I start folk out as a 0... Zero is neutral! You are neither good nor bad until we have some sort of meaningful communication.

Lately, I have been aware of several factors that I did not notice before. These are important because if they are out of balance, then so is my perception.

If I am feeling mental anguish, physically ill, fatigue, annoyed etc.. I don't respond well to folk. I know, I know.. it doesn't take a genius to figure this out, but many times we don't assess this until after the damage has been done. By the time we realize that something is wrong, it's much too late; we have already hurt an important relationship.

A good acquaintance of mine once said his wife told him to remember H.A.L.T. - Are you: Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Once we have paid attention to those things, our thoughts are a bit more clear.

Another reason we are suspicious in relationship... is the fact that we can't be trusted ourselves. Ever heard the saying: "It takes one to know one"? Well it's true.. many times we suspect actions from others that we have already engaged in or are seriously considering ourselves. Hey! If the shoe fits ~ then get the bag to match!

Sometimes our suspicions are a complete afterthought. Many times we already know the significant one is being untruthful but we dismiss the tell-tell signs. Then all of a sudden we are suspicious. WTF?! What do you want them to do? Draw a picture?!

In any case this is not an exhausted list.. just a few things I have been pondering....

What can you add to the pot?


Sherry Goodloe said...

I have never been a suspicious person, but I think I probably should be . . . at least in new relationships. I TOO have been *disappointed* a few times.

But on the other hand, if I was always suspicious, maybe I wouldn't have HAD any relationships. Who knows?

One thing I have going for me though, is that I'm pretty good at spotting a *fake* early on *in the game*. Be it female, male, or a "that one" Ha!

I'm going to start paying attention to the H.A.L.T. theory.I really like that a lot!!

Anonymous said...

Even tho I'd like to give people the benefit of the doubt, it seems to me there's many who will say whatever they need to say to get whatever it is they want. Lying has become the norm in many circles.
I guess my motto is "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me."
Pitiful, yes...but it's the truth.