My Suspicious Nature: Part 2 Hurt Feelings

Many times I personalize things: Jewelry, crafts, my art work... (tongue in cheek).

Seriously, I can easily personalize remarks and sentiments from others. I have to constantly remind myself that another person's reaction is usually a byproduct of their experiences. The tone and nature of their reaction is often because of who (or is it whom?) I remind them of from their past. However, sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow in the midst of a heated debate. Being that as it may, I have been hurt when faced with what I deemed as rejection or dismissal of my sincere views.

My reaction to the perceived disregard can be willful indignation... if it's the mood I'm experiencing at that particular point in time.... aka.. 'Am I ragging?' Or did I NOT pay attention to H.A.L.T. Otherwise, I can cheerfully, but mean-spiritedly return the diss. .. And that gets us both nowhere.

So now I am trying to take another path:
~ Do not take personal ownership of the other person's reaction. It's theirs. I have enough of my own stuff (sugar.honey.iced.tea.)
~ Feel the feeling.
~ Carefully articulate how I feel to the other person.
~ Continue the conversation if we both choose to elaborate.
~ Be OK if the final result is to agree to disagree.

However, I must admit.. this only works if I truly care. Quite frankly some folk severely irritate me, but they are neither worth my time nor my breathe to figure out. In that case I say my piece & move on...

How do you deal with the hurt?

Why Do We Have Suspicious Natures? Part 1 Relationships

Where do you start people on the likability marker? -10 (lowest) 0 (neutral) 10 (highest)

I must admit as a child I was very suspicious of most. I always said "I start folks out as a -10... You have to prove yourself trustworthy." As I got older I completely flipped the script & placed folks on the positive side; sometimes even as high as 10! Being suspicious all the time was getting to be exhausting and I wanted to have some fun! If I met someone who I thought could be a new bff or a potential love interest and we instantly connect, then it's golden! Well after doing that a couple of times, it is needless to say I was consistently disappointed.

Now for the most part I start folk out as a 0... Zero is neutral! You are neither good nor bad until we have some sort of meaningful communication.

Lately, I have been aware of several factors that I did not notice before. These are important because if they are out of balance, then so is my perception.

If I am feeling mental anguish, physically ill, fatigue, annoyed etc.. I don't respond well to folk. I know, I know.. it doesn't take a genius to figure this out, but many times we don't assess this until after the damage has been done. By the time we realize that something is wrong, it's much too late; we have already hurt an important relationship.

A good acquaintance of mine once said his wife told him to remember H.A.L.T. - Are you: Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Once we have paid attention to those things, our thoughts are a bit more clear.

Another reason we are suspicious in relationship... is the fact that we can't be trusted ourselves. Ever heard the saying: "It takes one to know one"? Well it's true.. many times we suspect actions from others that we have already engaged in or are seriously considering ourselves. Hey! If the shoe fits ~ then get the bag to match!


Sometimes our suspicions are a complete afterthought. Many times we already know the significant one is being untruthful but we dismiss the tell-tell signs. Then all of a sudden we are suspicious. WTF?! What do you want them to do? Draw a picture?!

In any case this is not an exhausted list.. just a few things I have been pondering....

What can you add to the pot?